I use a ton of different tricks to help clients when they have trouble moving forward. Energy healing, asking guides for help, reprogramming fears, EFT, prioritizing values, creating micro-steps towards success- you name it, I use it.  Many people seek out help to gain clarity and get un-stuck, and it’s my job to have the best tools to help my clients scale any barriers that get in their way.

So there is one tool that is so effective- and a little unusual for a therapist to teach. I delitfully call this tool “So what?’  and here’s how to use it:

When you desire a change in your life, you want to go from living FINE to living more AWESOME.  Living fine means staying just as you are.  Living more awesome means you will encounter some uncomfortable feelings.  What I mean is that, as you begin to take the next step towards getting what you want, you sometimes won’t feel like doing it.  You might feel lazy, tired, or scared.  You might feel unsure, unmotivated, or worried. In other words, instead of feeling super-psyched to make the change, you might feel feelings that keep you from going for it.

When this happens, here’s what I suggest you do:  tell your feelings that they are not facts and say “So what?”  So what that you feel unsure? Make a move  anyway.  So what you feel worried? Take a mini-action step regardless.  So what you feel lazy? Get up and go anyhoo.    

It might seem strange to hear a psychotherapist say “So what?” about your feelings, but I have good reason.  Feelings are important, but they are not everything. Too often we let our feelings direct our lives and make all sorts of choices for us, as in “I don’t feel like eating spinach now, I feel like cake instead” or “I don’t feel like confronting this issue with my partner, I just feel like stewing about it” or “I need to call this new business prospect but I feel scared, so I won’t.”

The emotional mind, where our feelings reside, is one of many “minds” within us. Feelings matter but so do the other components in our decision making- wisdom, rational thought, values, goals.   To truly tap into the power of our whole selves, we can acknowledge the feelings that are holding us back… while also paying attention to why we want to move forward and what wisdom and skills we have to do so.

When you notice you are  stuck about something, get in touch with the feeling that is holding you back.   Validate how you feel and then tell that feeling who is boss.   If you truly desire to live more AWESOME instead of just, gulp, GOOD ENOUGH or FINE (and I know you do!) just say “So what?” to the fear and do it anyway.  IF you are thinking “It’s not that easy, Beth!” or “But that’s hard, Beth!”, just tell those feelings “So what’s it’s hard?! I do hard things all the time!”

Try it this week and let me know what barriers you broke through or steps you took!

Beth Miller, LCSW-R, CEC, CAHC is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, Certified Life Coach, energy healer, meditation teacher, and spiritual counselor in private practice in Bayport, Long Island, New York, USA. She is the owner of the group practice POSITIVE ENERGY Holistic Counseling & Institute where she and her fabulous team of therapists use the breakthrough model Advanced Holistic Counseling & Coaching™ to create transformational change in their clients. Beth is the creator of the trademarked Advanced Holistic Counseling & Coaching™: Modern therapy that combines the very best of traditional psychotherapy with life coaching, energy healing, science, and spirituality. Now, Licensed Therapists, Healers, and Coaches can learn how to experience huge transformation in themselves, their clients, and their careers by becoming Certified in Advanced Holistic Counseling & Coaching™.  For free holistic and psychotherapy tools, visit the POSITIVE ENERGY Holistic Counseling & Institute YouTube channel, or contact us directly via phone at 631-533-0708 or email at info@positivecounselingli.com.